


K, So At the Zoo

by daniflo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack Relationships, Haikyuu - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Rare Pairings, just go with it, rare pair challenge, the title is really random, this entire thing is crack tbh, will tag as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 05:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11006955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daniflo/pseuds/daniflo
Summary: My name is Dani and I like Haikyuu. Therefore, my lovely beta and I had a wonderful idea. Let’s take a few of my favorite characters from Haikyuu, and put them in a randomizer. We will come up with two completely random characters, and then I have 30 seconds to think of an idea for a one shot.We got some... interesting pairings, and some interesting ideas as well. So, if you like rare pairs and disasters, I truly do hope you give this... whatever this is... a shot!





	K, So At the Zoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M: ‘Alright, your first person is... Oikawa...’
> 
> D: ‘Oh god...’
> 
> M: ‘And next you’ve got Ennoshita.’
> 
> D: ‘Okay, Iwaizumi is stressed. Like, stressed with a capital TM. He has school and volleyball and Oikawa to take care of. And Iwaizumi just wants a day off. So he looks on Craigslist for someone, anyone, and finds Ennoshita. And he pays Ennoshita to take care of Oikawa for the day.’
> 
> M: ‘So like a babysitter?’
> 
> D: ‘Exactly like a babysitter. I think. Anyway, so Oikawa and Ennoshita go to the space museum or something, and Oiks is super excited. And like, somewhere along the line he decides to.. Um...’ *makes seductive face* ‘whatever that is’
> 
> M: ‘That face makes me uncomfortable’
> 
> D: ‘Ennoshita feels the same.’

**~ Oikawa x Ennoshita ~**

 

“I just can’t see it...”

“C’mon, Ryuu! Think of it! Chikara is always riding our asses about schoolwork and responsibility! He’d make the perfect babysitter!”

Ennoshita simply sighed, taking a seat on the floor as Nishinoya and Tanaka argued. “It’s just a temporary thing. I just need a little extra money for summer.”

“But babysitting?” Tanaka shuddered. “They’re stinky! And loud and messy and too much trouble.”

“So just like you.” Ennoshita rubbuted.

Nishinoya burst into laughter. “He got you good, Ryuu!”

“Ehh? Ennoshita! I’m none of those things!” Tanaka exclaimed.

Ennoshita simply rolled his eyes, tossing the textbook at his friend. “Yeah, yeah. Now get back to work.”

***

“Iwa-chan, you promised!”

Iwaizumi simply glared at his whining friend, before turning his attention back to the sidewalk. “I have other responsibilities than babysitting you, you know.”

“It’s not babysitting!” Oikawa defending, skipping slightly to keep up with his friend. “You promised exactly four months ago that you would go to the space museum grand opening with me!”

“And other things came up.” Iwaizumi stated simply. “I can’t get out of it. Just go by yourself.”

Oikawa gasped, visibly offended by the idea. “I can’t just go alone! Do you know what that entails?”

“Take Hanamaki or Matsukawa.” Iwaizumi groaned. “Or Yahaba. He basically worships you.”

“Makki and Mattsun would just make fun of me, and Yahaba has to study for an upcoming test.” Oikawa listed off. “And none of them promised to take me. Pinky promised!”

Iwaizumi sighed, continuing the walk home at a steady pace. “In my defense, it was in the middle of the night, and you grabbed my pinky out of nowhere. I was terrified.”

“It still counts!” Oikawa huffed.

Iwaizumi’s eyes landed on his house, knowing he would have to split from Oikawa soon. He turned to see his friend’s brown eyes, big and pleading, and let out another exhausted sigh.

“I’ll see what I can do.” The shorter male surrendered.

He bid farewell to his friend, jogging up to his front door. He quickly discarded his shoes and ran upstairs, tossing his backpack carelessly to the side.

He jumped onto his bed, quickly pulling his phone out and scrolling through his contacts. He would have to find someone to escort Oikawa to the space museum, lest he hear his whining for the next few hundred years.

However, he couldn’t find anyone in his contacts who fit the bill, each either being busy or too nice for Iwaizumi to screw over by shoving Oikawa at them. 

He exited out of his contacts, switching to the internet to look up the museum’s hours. That’s when a small, simple ad caught the ace’s attention.

‘Ennoshita Chikara, Miyagi Prefecture, Babysitter for hire! Email for details.’

Iwaizumi smiled softly to himself.

It had been a while since he messed with Oikawa.

***

“Chikara got a job!” Nishinoya had announced at morning practice.

Ennoshita just sighed, following the shorter boy out of the clubroom. “Yeah, I’m heading there right now.”

“You’re going to go babysit?” Daichi asked, tugging his jacket on.

“That’s right.” Ennoshita answered. “I’m just taking the kid to the space museum opening for the day, apparently.”

“That sounds fun!” Nishinoya exclaimed. “I wanna get paid to go to a space museum!”

“I wish you all of the luck.” Daichi chuckled.

Ennoshita waved goodbye to his team, jogging in the general direction of the museum. He was supposed to meet the kid and his mother in just a few minutes.

As he got to courtyard in front of the space museum, he scanned the premises for any indication of a little boy and his mother. He saw an older couple slowly making their way to the front doors, a little girl with her father emerging from the building, and two teenage boys bickering on a nearby bench.

He pulled out his phone to check the meeting time, when he heard his name called. One of the teenagers on the bench was looking at him, a slightly pitying smile on his face.

“Ennoshita?” He asked.

Ennoshita gave him a confused look. “Hi, do I know you?”

He laughed lightly, standing up and extending his hand to Ennoshita. “Yeah, I’m ‘Mrs. Iwaizumi’.”

Ennoshita raised eyebrow, shaking his hand. “Uh...”

“This would be the problematic boy I need you to babysit for the day.” Iwaizumi said, presenting a confused brunette.

“Babysit?” He gawked. “Iwa-chan, you said he was a friend.”

“I lied.” Iwazumi deadpanned, pulling out his wallet. He took a few bills, placing them in Ennoshita’s hand.

“Um, I... Was expecting... a toddler.” Ennoshita stuttered, shocked.

Iwaizumi chuckled, a sorry expression in his eyes. “Well, he acts like one!” He leaned forward to Ennoshita’s ear. “Good luck.” He whispered, before taking off.

Ennoshita sent a confused glance from the departed Iwaizumi to the pouting brunette, at a loss for what to do. “So...” He mumbled.

“I can’t believe he set me up with a babysitter!” The brunette huffed.

Ennoshita gave him an unsure smile. “Well... I’m Ennoshita.” He introduced, holding his hand out.

“Ennoshita, huh...” He mumbled, eying his outstretched hand. His gaze traveled up his arm and to his face, his childish pout turning to a flirtatious smile in an instant. “Well I’m Oikawa.” He said, standing up. “Let’s have some fun!”

***

“Ryuu! He lied to us!” 

“I know, Noya-san... I’m so hurt...”

“He’s not babysitting!” Nishinoya exclaimed, tossing his binoculars into the bush. “He’s on a date!”

Tanaka growled lightly. “We have to keep an eye on them... Make sure pretty boy doesn’t try anything funny on our Chikara.”

***

Ennoshita was confused, slightly offended, and already exhausted.

And they hadn’t even gotten through the first attraction yet.

Oikawa was marvelling a rock that was supposedly from another planet. Though Ennoshita found it interesting, he had grown bored after the first sixteen minutes of over analyzing an object that looked like it came from his driveway.

Ennoshita took out his phone, debating whether or not to send an ‘SOS’ text to Narita and Kinoshita, until his phone was promptly swiped from his unsuspecting hands.

He looked up to see Oikawa mere inches away from his own face, one finger wagging right and left and the other dangling his phone.

“No phones in the museum, Enno-chan.” He scolded with a teasing smile.

Ennoshita briefly considered giving in, until an idea hit him.

He returned a lazy smirk of his own, snatching his phone back from the brunette. “Sorry, but I’m the one in charge here, remember? I’m hired to watch you.”

“So far you’re doing a terrible job.” Oikawa whined. “I feel so neglected. Both you and Iwa-chan are just so cold!”

“Is someone asking for a timeout?” Ennoshita challenged.

Oikawa snickered, backing up slightly. “Oh, Enno-chan, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He said, mock innocence laced in his tone. “I’m a good boy...”

Ennoshita cringed. “That sounds... so... so wrong.”

“Dirty mind.” Oikawa giggled, regaining his composure and heading to the next room.

Ennoshita just rolled his eyes, a smile forcing it’s way on his face despite his annoyed front. He followed the taller male into the next room, sighing as his eyes landed on an excited Oikawa.

“Enno-chan!” He called. “Look! It’s a shard from a comet!”

Ennoshita silently thanked any god who would listen as he spotted a small bench, immediately sitting down. There were display cases all over the room, each with a crater shard and plaque. With Oikawa’s diligent rock-inspecting skills, the poor, unsuspecting babysitter was prepared to be here for a while.

***

“Ryuu...”

“Tell me what you see, Noya-san!”

Nishinoya shifted uncomfortably in his hiding spot, attempting to get a better view of Ennoshita and his mystery date. He let out a small squeak as he saw how close their faces were, Ennoshita even smirking!

“Ryuu, they’re totally making out!” Nishinoya urgently whispered in his phone. “His date’s got him pinned up against the wall and everything!”

“Pinned?” Tanaka echoed.

“Yeah, pinned! And he’s got Chikara’s phone and everything!”

Tanaka let out an angry growl. “Is Ennoshita consenting!”

“Looks like it!” Nishinoya hissed. “He’s got this total ‘come hither’ look going on!”

Tanaka gasped. “He’s seducing him!”

“Yeah! Chikara’s got game!”

“I can’t believe he wouldn’t tell us!”

Nishinoya watched as the two moved onto the next room. “Okay, they’re on the move. Gotta keep going.”

***

Ennoshita didn’t even realize he had begun to doze off. All he knew was that Oikawa had spent much more time gazing lovingly at rocks than any sane person ever should.

However, he was awoken from his almost-nap by a heavy weight plopping onto his lap, and a mop of brown curls being shoved into his face.

“Enno-chan!” The mop whined. “You’re falling asleep!”

“You’re so easily entertained.” Ennoshita whined, pushing Oikawa off his lap and onto the seat next to him. “We’ve been here for hours.”

“Like, five minutes!” Oikawa defended.

Ennoshita just gave him a blank look.

“Maybe ten, tops.”

Ennoshita raised an eyebrow.

“Alright, fifteen?” Oikawa asked, a nervous smile on his face.

“Try again.”

“It can’t be more than twenty minutes!” Oikawa said, a hint of sass in his tone.

Ennoshita just sighed, standing up and beginning to stretch. “Ready for the next room?”

Oikawa grabbed his hand, pulling him back down onto the bench. “Give me a minute.”

“I guess we’ve got all day.” Ennoshita shrugged.

Oikawa nodded in agreement, resting his head against Ennoshita’s shoulder. “I’m already so tired.”

“Already?” Ennoshita teased. “We just got here!”

Oikawa just whined, mumbling something about their previous disagreement.

“You can’t get tired yet.” Ennoshita said, lifting Oikawa’s head. “You were the one excited for this trip in the first place.”

He stood up, grabbing Oikawa and pulling out of the bench in one motion. However, Oikawa’s larger frame lost it’s balance, falling over and on top of Ennoshita as the two ended up on the floor. 

Ennoshita let out a small shriek as his back hit the floor, while Oikawa giggled softly. The taller boy lifted his head, his brown curls bouncing lightly as he looked down at Ennoshita.

“What a compromising position!” He laughed.

Ennoshita rolled his eyes. “Just get up.”

Oikawa pouted playfully for a second, before a faux innocent smile formed on his face. “You look good down there, Enno-chan.” He teased.

“And you’re heavy.” Ennoshita deadpanned. 

“Rude, Enno-chan!”

Oikawa rolled off of the shorter male, quickly fanning his heating cheeks. Ennoshita stood up dusting himself off, while Oikawa was unable to take his eyes off the simple man.

***

“Ryuu!”

“Noya-san!”

“Chikara is a bottom!”

Tanaka gasped. “No way!”

Nishinoya had spent quite some time in his new hiding spot, his muscles already tense and eager to move. “They fell over and Chikara ended up on bottom! And the other guy was totally blushing!”

“I don’t know what to do about this, Noya-san...” Tanaka trailed off. “What if it affects his practice? I hear it hurts...”

“I gotta go!” Nishinoya said quickly. “They’re on the move!”

“Keep me posted, Noya-san!”

***

“No.”

“Enno-chan! Come on!”

“Not happening.”

“It’ll be fun!”

Ennoshita eyed the large contraption carefully, ignoring Oikawa’s begging. “I choose life.”

“It simulates what it would be like to ride in a rocketship!” Oikawa pleaded. “Please?”

“I don’t do roller coasters.” Ennoshita replied sharply.

Oikawa pouted, his eyes growing wide and watery. “It’s not a roller coaster...”

“I don’t care.”

“Enno-chan!”

“I am the babysitter here, and I say no.” Ennoshita quipped. 

Oikawa huffed, crossing his arms. “I should give you a bad review for bullying the child.”

“So you admit you act like a child?” Ennoshita snickered, a challenging expression in his eyes.

A hint of shock flashed across Oikawa’s face, but he quickly recovered his teasing smirk, taking a step closer to Ennoshita and leaning down to his ear. “If that’s what you’re into...”

Ennoshita rolled eyes, pushing past the brunette. “You’re terrible.” He scoffed jokingly.

“If I admit that I am will you go on the simulator with me?”

Ennoshita turned back to see big, brown eyes looking down at him, a hint of a couple forced tears.

The second year sighed.

***

“Ryuu...”

“What are you seeing, Noya-san!”

Nishinoya attempted to process the previous encounter, his phone slowly sliding from his hands.

“They... they were in the rocketship simulator...”

“What happened after that!” Tanaka’s eager voiced echoed.

Nishinoya grinded his teeth together nervously. “They ran off together... And Chikara was blushing!”

“To where?!”

“Probably some janitor’s closet... Do you think Chikara’s going to be okay at practice tomorrow? Being the bottom and all?”

“Gehhh, why haven’t we noticed this before!” Tanaka yelled from the other end of the line. “All the times he must have been limping at practice and we didn’t even notice!”

“Ryuu... what would he even use for that? IcyHot?”

“Must be!”

Nishinoya nodded, unaware of the strange looks he was getting for hiding behind a trash can. “We should get him some IcyHot!”

“Agreed! Now don’t lose sight of them!”

***

“That’s right, Enno-chan, you’re doing _so good_. Just keep goin- ah.”

Ennoshita’s groans echoed off the linoleum tiles of the bathroom. He pitied anyone else in the bathroom, but his mouth was currently too preoccupied to truly care.

Oikawa closed his eyes, looking up at the ceiling. “Keep... Keep going, Enno-chan. I’ll take good care of you afterwards...”

“If I puke up anymore, I’m gonna die!”

Oikawa continued to rub circles on Ennoshita’s back as the younger male retched into the toilet.

“I’ll treat you to lunch afterwards, since this is my fault...” He nervously laughed.

Ennoshita groaned, turning to give him an angry glare. “I’m never going on that simulator thing again.”

“Deal.” Oikawa grinned. “Now we should probably go get you a toothbrush...”

***

After Ennoshita had finished his time in the bathroom, the two had decided that they had had enough space museum for the day. Oikawa had insisted on buying the younger male lunch, as an apology for the entire mess they had ended up in.

“So, what time is your mother coming to pick you up.” Ennoshita asked, taking a bite of his sea pineapple.

Oikawa simply shrugged from the other side of the table. “I wasn’t aware I would be pawned off to a babysitter today.”

“So you think you can get yourself home?” Ennoshita chuckled. “Or do you need help crossing the street?”

“Awe, so eager to cut our day short, Enno-chan?” Oikawa pouted playfully. “I was having fun!”

Ennoshita rolled his eyes as he took a sip of water. “I’m only here because I got paid.”

“Oh, come on, you had fun.” Oikawa insisted, leaning forward. “Admit it!”

Ennoshita gave him a small grin. “I guess it wasn’t all bad.”

Oikawa gave him a proud smile, sitting back in his chair. “I am quite entertaining.”

“Sometimes.” Ennoshita shrugged.

Oikawa finished the last bite of food on his plate, resting his elbow on the table. He placed his chin on his hand, leaning forward slightly, a flirtatious smirk on his face.

“So, Enno-chan...” He began. “What exactly are we gonna do about this... Thing...”

“Thing?” Ennoshita asked. “Mean the bill?” He joked, holding up a small piece of paper.

Oikawa gave him a jokingly angry look, snatching the bill from him. “I mean the other thing...”

Ennoshita rubbed at his chin playfully, pretending to think. “What thing could you possibly be speaking of?”

“This thing between us.” Oikawa replied smoothly.

Ennoshita gave him an understanding nod. “You mean the table.”

The brunette narrowed his eyes. “No, the other thing...”

“You’re not getting my leftovers.” Ennoshita declared, putting a protective arm around the rest of his sea pineapple.

“Enno-chan!” Oikawa whined. “I mean the chemistry between us!”

“Ah, yes.” Ennoshita nodded. “I happen to think I made a great bibysitter to watch yor shenanigans.”

“Come on! I mean the sexual tension?”

Ennoshita gave him a small chuckle, raising an eyebrow. “Not sure what you mean.” He said, standing up.

“Are you leaving already?” The older male asked.

“Yep!” Ennoshita said. “I’ve got places to be. But if you ever need a babysitter, I’m available.” He tossed a small piece of paper with his email on it to the brunette, a lazy smirk on his face. “For the right price, that is.”

***

“Chikara!”

Ennoshita looked up from where he was tying his shoe to see Tanaka and Nishinoya burst through the door of the clubroom. They were both slightly out of breath, the former holding a small plastic bag.

“Did you run here?” Ennoshita asked, standing up.

The two bowed to him in sync, yelling a loud exclamation of ‘sorry’.

“We spied on you!” Tanaka yelled, still bowing.

“We didn’t mean to!” Nishinoya added.

“We actually definitely meant to!”

“We’re sorry!”

“We got this to make up for it!”

Tanaka handed the bag to a very confused Ennoshita. He opened the bag, peeking inside at the contents.

“Why is there IcyHot in here?” Ennoshita asked as the two in front of him stood up straight.

Tanaka sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “Well... we figured that practice must be hard for you...”

Ennoshita raised a quizzing eyebrow.

“We thought it would help!” Nishinoya exclaimed. “With the pains!”

“What pains?” Ennoshita asked.

“The bottom pains.” Tanaka explained.

“The what?”

Tanaka and Nishinoya share horrified looks as Ennoshita’s eyes narrowed. 

“Noya-san...” Tanaka called in horror. “We were wrong.”

**Author's Note:**

> alright, here we go. This is a bunch of ridiculous rare pairs doing a bunch of ridiculous things. I don't think I'll update this regularly but it won't be like a year between updates so. Thanks for reading!


End file.
